Although Valentine’s Day might seem like a commercialized holiday, its history is far more romantic. The English poet Geoffrey Chaucer was the first to mention it in print, nearly 650 years ago. For hundreds of years, this day has been a day to feast and celebrate romantic love.
Of course, for people who are missing a special someone, the holiday can be even more difficult. A night spent together eating a box of chocolates and watching a rom-com may feel empty without a loved one there to share in it. But people should know that they are not alone, and they can find ways to bring their loved ones back into the celebrations. These eight ideas may help families to remember those they have lost, as well as bringing love back to the holiday.
Ways to Celebrate Lost Loved Ones
1. Write a Letter of Love or Support
Since many people passed unexpectedly, their loved ones are often left without an opportunity to gain closure or to say goodbye. It can feel like a missed opportunity that makes it harder to process grief, because people feel like they will never get the chance to say what they felt. Writing a letter of love to someone who has died can be a good way for loved ones to make space for how they feel. It is often easier to find the words to put on the page than it is to speak freely about loss.
People have a lot of options for the way that they can write a letter. Many prefer to create a handwritten note that allows them to pour all of their thoughts and feelings about losing their loved one. Although these letters are often heartfelt and full of sorrow, they can also be lighthearted or funny. Sometimes, recounting happy moments makes it easier to remember all that someone meant, and that those memories are still there. On occasion, they may even be angry, full of frustration at the loss of a beloved family member or friend.
Loved ones often choose a method to release the letter, knowing that it cannot be read in person. There are a few common choices, including:
- Tie a letter to a balloon and release it to the sky
- Fold the letter into a boat and sail it on water until it sinks
- Bury the letter in a place the person loved
- Leave the letter at the person’s final resting place
- Build a fire and burn the letter while thinking of the loved one
Before making a plan, people may want to research local laws and guidelines considering releasing materials into water or air.
While writing letters concerning the loss of a loved one, it is a wise idea for families to think of the people in their lives who may also be grieving. Death can be isolating for a lot of people, especially if they feel like their grief is excessive or misunderstood. They may withdraw from friends and family members, thinking that they cannot relate. Writing a letter of support to struggling friends and relatives can let them know that they are remembered, their loved ones are not forgotten, and that they still have help in their community.
2. Invite Someone Over
For people who are grieving, one of the most important things is to reassure them that they are not alone. In many cases, friends and family members who want to help don’t know what they can do. They might withdraw to make space for grieving, not realizing that they are leaving a struggling loved one to cope with their loneliness by themselves. Bringing back a sense of community can help to pass the time, provide opportunities to recount happy experiences, and ensure that everyone has the help that they need.
Right after the loss of a loved one, people may not feel much like hosting a gathering or inviting friends over. However, the ability to do so reinforces the support system that they have. Most people are at least somewhat familiar with the experience of grief, so they do not set high standards for meetups at a difficult time. As such, grieving families may find comfort and even moments of joy in bringing their friends and relatives together. Even inviting a friend over to chat or have a cup of coffee while folding laundry can
Those who act as another person’s support system should also know that inviting them to participate can help minimize their sense of isolation. It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who is still reeling from the loss of a loved one. Sometimes, just being there for them and going through the motions can make it easier for them. It doesn’t have to be a complicated event or involve a lot of people. Reaching out to someone to see if they would like to see a movie or have lunch lets them know that they are valued.
3. Build an Altar
Building an altar to a loved one is a great way to keep them close, especially around a holiday. Altars are a common practice in many ancient and modern religions such as Dia de Los Muertos, but people do not have to be a member of these religions in order to build one. There are many functions of the altar, including:
- Bringing up memories of a loved one
- Providing offerings or tribute to the person who passed
- Fulfill religious rites after death
- Asking powerful beings to provide added support or comfort at a difficult time
If the loved one wanted to be cremated after they died, the altar may serve as a good place for the urn in a home. Families typically choose a table or shelf to hold elements for the altar.
Common choices include:
- Flowers or plants that were important to the loved one
- Favorite foods or belongings
- Photographs
- Gifts given by the loved one
- Candles or lamps
Those who are grieving can set up an altar for a holiday, birthday or other important day. They can also design it to remain in a more permanent way. There really are no wrong answers for creating a loving and respectful altar. People who have young children or pets may want to ensure that flowers, candles and food are kept out of reach.
Altars are just one of many at-home memorial ideas. Visit 10 Awesome Ideas to Create at-home Memorials for a full list of beautiful ideas to honor your loved one.
4. Visit Your Loved One’s Resting Place and Decorate It
For many people, the ability to visit a loved one’s resting place is an important part of celebrating holidays. It is common for family members to gather at a gravesite on days meant to honor those who have died, such as Memorial Day. However, families can also visit anytime that they feel it is important to feel close to the loved one who has passed. Valentine’s Day is a popular day for lovers and couples, and it can be particularly difficult to allow the day to pass without spending time with that special someone.
Depending on the resting place, families may have lots of opportunities to decorate or otherwise highlight the occasion. Cemeteries usually post guidelines for things that loved ones can leave at the site, which commonly include:
- Flowers, and sometimes vases are provided
- Pinwheels that will blow in the wind
- Small trinkets that are anchored to the ground or the headstone in some way
Visiting a burial site may be an opportunity to sit and have a quiet moment of peace. People often feel comfort when they have the sense that a loved one is near, and can possibly hear them as they speak. It can also be a family affair, inviting children and the extended family to attend and share their favorite moments. In this way, it feels more of a celebration of love, which is popular for the holiday. It may become a new tradition that families look forward to hosting each year.
Since most people choose cremation these days, there are a lot of families who may not have a permanent marker at their loved one’s resting place. People who have chosen to have their ashes scattered or buried on land or water may not have a headstone to decorate, but the place can still be a sacred site of love and memory. Visiting the site with family, and bringing items to share and discuss, can be a source of healing.
5. Light a Candle
Lighting a candle for a loved one who has passed is a popular ritual in many societies. Candles are an historic source of light, something that pushes away the darkness. In the ancient world, people burned candles as a way of offering a sacrifice to a powerful being, gods in particular. That’s why candles are such an important part of altars, even today.
Lighting a candle has particular meaning for the dead, especially those that families are thinking of. The Roman Catholic Church, among other Christian sects, allows congregants to light a candle for a loved one. The burning of the candle represents a prayer for the soul of the person who has passed. Although someone can only continue speaking a prayer for so long, a candle may be able to burn for much longer. It represents an unending source of light that supports the journey of the loved one through the afterlife.
People can choose a candle in their loved one’s favorite color, or position framed pictures nearby as they burn it. They can set a candle in a windowsill to serve as a light to others as they walk past the home. Families can purchase candle-making kits and turn it into an activity that engages people of all ages, as they share stories about their loved ones. For those who worry about the risk of fire, LED candles can burn for long periods of time without generating heat. Giving out candles on Valentine’s Day, or during a memorial, can make it easier for everyone to celebrate together, even if they are apart.
6. Create a Video
As people start to think about all of their wonderful memories with a loved one, it’s a great idea to go through the boxes of photographs and look for their favorite moments. One way to ensure that these photographs and videos remain available to the whole family is to create a video highlighting them. Videos are easy for family members to enjoy, especially children. An engaging video with happy, funny or important moments can be a wonderful way to keep those memories alive.
Fortunately, making videos of photographs can be relatively simple. There are a variety of apps that people can download for free and learn how to use within a short period of time. In most cases, family members can place digital images and set them to music for greater enjoyment. Including a loved one’s favorite music, or songs that are related to the holiday, highlights the specialty of the occasion.
Adding short videos or digital images is easiest when creating a video, but it may also be important to put in non-digital photos. Boxes of photographs that never see the light of day can eventually deteriorate. Scanning them into high-quality images can preserve them for the present and the future. Scanning software is much more efficient than it was 10 or 20 years ago, so it may take much less time. The result is that families have a way to preserve their past so that future generations will be able to associate the pictures to go along with the stories.
For others who are grieving, it is extremely important to know that their grief is recognized and that their loved one has not been pushed to the background. Making a video to share with them and other family members is a labor of love that shows respect and consideration. It can become its own kind of treasured family heirloom, which people can view anytime they are feeling sad or missing their loved ones.
7. Purchase a Memorial
Valentine’s Day might be a time to remember all those heartfelt messages sent from one person to another, especially in the early stages of love. It’s a great opportunity to revisit all the love letters that grandparents wrote each other while one of them was away at war. For many people, these communications, along with pictures, are all that is left of their loved ones. That’s why Valentine’s Day could offer an excellent chance to create a new memorial, one that is worthy of the holiday.
We carry a variety of heart-shaped urns and keepsakes, perfect for placement on an altar or as jewelry to be kept close to the heart. The Memorial Garden Heart Keepsake Urn looks like a lovely box for trinkets. It is plated with silver and meant to hold a small amount of ashes. It makes a great gift for couples. The Crystal Memory 3D Heart & Light Box brings your loved one to life in three dimensions. The photo is laser-engraved in pure crystal, with a light box that shines straight through the crystal.
For people who want something small that they can carry with them, the Color Photo Pendant Heart Urn is a great choice. A little like a locket, this tiny urn has a photo printed directly on its surface. Customers can add extra charms, like a birth stone or special note. We also carry a wide variety of keychain keepsakes in hearts and other shapes. With hundreds of options, families are sure to find the perfect gift for everyone.
8. Embrace the Grieving Process
Ultimately, one of the best ways that families can honor their loved ones at any time of the year is to accept the grieving process as it is. When people are faced with the loss of a loved one, they often feel like they have to put their grief in a box. They may be afraid to share it with others, or think that grief can only last for a limited time. These assumptions leave out so many for whom the grieving process is intense and complicated. They may not be able to bounce back right away. In fact, they may need years to process the loss.
Expert suggest that people who are grieving give themselves the space that they need, and also extend it to others. It is tempting to assume that grief manifests in similar ways for the whole family. However, even a tight-knit family unit may have wide disparities in the ways that they grieve for a loved one. Some prefer to process the feelings in private. Others need to be surrounded by loved ones in order to feel comfort. Children and adults may act out with anger or frustration, unable to reconcile their feelings of loss.
There is no one right way to grieve, and people will do better if they can allow themselves to feel. Grief isn’t a process that, once at the end, loved ones are no longer sad. Holidays like Valentine’s Day can bring up bittersweet memories. The feelings that they evoke may be sharp and unexpected. It’s all right to be surprised by the pain of these memories, especially while they are relatively fresh. Honoring those memories, and sitting with them when they come up, helps to keep a loved one alive in this way.
After the loss of a loved one, every holiday might feel a little harder than it was before. After all, families have so many happy memories and so much pain, mingled together at the same time. While some people might think that they cannot celebrate the holidays anymore, or at least not in the same way, there is some good news. Bringing lost loved ones back into the celebration is one of the best ways to process grief and honor it as well. These ideas might not work for everyone, but even doing just one or two may be a big help on a holiday that brings a lot of sadness. Inviting a loved one to share in those celebrations, even though they are gone, can make it feel as though they are still here.
